Saturday, January 7, 2012

Could be worse.

So, a quick wrap up of the evening. As you can see I did not manage a late night video, instead opted for John to give you a general idea of how I was feeling. Actually, all things considered, I ended up not being as sick as I may have expected.

Around 9 p.m. it started to really hit me and by midnight I was feeling very ill. All my internals became extremely achy, not a sharp pain so much as a deep, thick pain. I became very aware of all my organs, even their shapes as the pain seemed to outline each organ and each organ seemed to have it's own, slightly unique, signature pain. It felt kinda like being one of those clear plastic "Human Body" figures the awareness was so striking.

The shaking is an interesting phenomena. It seems to come and go to a certain extent but what causes the main discomfort for me is the impossibility of staying still. Sometimes it was so bad I found myself thrashing around all over the bed, in same vain hope of escaping my own skin. It feels like your skin doesn't fit and then, of course, there are the millions of tiny "insects" that feel like they are crawling around under there. As I have noted before, my blood feels somewhat effervescent and "bubbly" and I become aware of the obvious overload of adrenalin and other "up", anxiety inducing substances running through me.

What is going on with my brain and nervous system is, for want of a better word, "interesting". I also feel hyper-aware of my nervous system because it seems to be in some chaos. It causes me to shake obviously but also it seems to fire every so often, of it's own volition, sending a jolt through what feels like every nerve in my body. Sometimes this feels almost painful and sometimes it is a more tingly, slower moving sensation, traveling up and down my body in waves. The other, maddening symptom, is the loss of mental capacity for concentration, short term memory, focus and general thinking. I am finding it difficult to write this and it is also taking FOREVER it seems to get correct spelling, grammer and flow. I hate this maybe the most. I watch my videos at the moment and can't stand listening to myself speak. I sound like my brain is on half-speed auto. Anyway, as I say in the following video; it certainly "could be worse"

     

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